Whole30 Day 6

It’s the beginning of day 6.  I’m sipping black coffee after eating 2 eggs and half a grapefruit for breakfast.  I could have eaten more.  I probably should have eaten some vegetables, but I will eat them with lunch and dinner today instead.  I wasn’t that hungry.  I’d rather have some almond milk caramel flavored creamer, of course, but sweeteners of all kinds are banned, and I’ve realized it is indeed the sweetness I crave.

Last night I dreamt that I accidentally took a bite of a sugar cookie, then remembered my whole30 status and spit it out without swallowing any.  My dream self was concerned this would require a reset all the way back to day one.  It had red sprinkles, by the way, a basic grocery store bakery sort of thing.  It wasn’t that great.  The Whole30 Calendar predicts dreams of junk food on days 13 and 14.  I can only hope that means the ‘Tiger Blood’ phase will kick in early as well.

The book puts a lot of emphasis on planning, but I started without much of a plan.  I had a physical last Wednesday, and let’s just say that the health consequences of a couple of crazy high stress years combined with waning estrogen, an active social life, and a genetic predisposition for high blood pressure are real.  Also, maybe I shouldn’t have let myself get hooked on energy drinks.

I didn’t plan because a friend called to invite me to a group Costco run right after I had decided ‘yes’ to Whole30, but hadn’t decided when to start.  Since vegetable supply seemed to be the biggest hurdle, I decided to start Thursday.  I already cook quite a bit, avoid most dairy thanks to lactose intolerance, and don’t need to rely on prepared foods.

Prepared foods had gained a foothold, nonetheless.  Campbell’s soup and Fritos for lunch.  Breakfast cereal with almond milk.  Pasta sauce from a jar as a base.  Ketchup!  It creeps in, and it’s all not on the Whole30 approved list.

Progress?  Well, mostly I miss ketchup, realize I was drinking a lot of orange juice, and had a tendency to absent-mindedly eat random candy/cookie/cake/snack things for reasons other than hunger.


Believe what you will

“Betrayal. A breach of trust. Fear. What you thought was true—counted on to be true—was not. It was just smoke and mirrors, outright deceit and lies. Sometimes it was hard to tell because there was just enough truth to make everything seem right. Even a little truth with just the right spin can cover the outrageous. Worse, there are the sincerity and care that obscure what you have lost. You can see the outlines of it now. It was exploitation. You were used. Everything in you wants to believe you weren’t.”
Patrick J. Carnes, The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

… but I think some of us might be struggling to stay grounded in reality.

First, come the promises, the descriptions of the future, professions of love and loyalty.  Next, there will be words and behaviors that don’t seem consistent with the promises.  The difference is in how we react.

I have some experience.  I thought I’d learned.  I thought I was being patient.  I thought I was showing compassion, but compassion from strength is different than compassion from weakness.  One is grounded in truth and maintains healthy boundaries.  The other is marked by a profound willingness to be deceived and exploitation.

How do we react to the ties to Russia or to the first evidence of betrayal we find?  They’ll deny the existence and discredit the source.  It’s standard.  It leaves us confused and a bit off balance.  Some would believe him, as much because they want to as any proof.  What proof could you possiby need?

*Wait, how is it my fault for finding the evidence?*

“Baby, I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Isn’t that enough?

How do we react when the evidence that didn’t exist now begins to show up and denial is no longer possible?  Will we be accused of over-reacting?  Will we accept reality or believe what we want to believe?



An Early Morning Political Rant

Following is the early morning rant I posted on Facebook yesterday.  I swyped it all in on my phone while lying in bed on the morning of my first day of retirement.  I plan to talk more about the retirement thing in the near future, but I think this might be a good introducion.  Here’s my rant:

I’ve really never thought of myself as a liberal, but I suppose some of my views are there. I’ve probably voted for as many republicans as democrats. I’ve certainly been a barely informed single issue voter in the past. I regret that, but never felt that my choice was putting the stability of our country at risk. Until now it has always been a choice between reasonable politicians who understood their role but had different ideas.

I didn’t particularly want to vote for Hillary, but I did, believing Donald to be dangerous and Hillary to be sane and safe, though imperfect. By the time we got to election day I felt much of my dislike for her may have been unfair. I allowed the words, yes words, email and benghazi to rattle around in my head just enough to create doubt. She’s clearly very bright and accomplished. She’s worked hard for a number of great causes. I doubt she had a full understanding of her own email set up–she was a busy 60-year-old-not-computer- geek who wanted to carry one phone, but that’s all rendered moot now. We elected a mad man instead.

I was surprised how much I liked what U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders had to say. I believe it’s obscene that any single person should earn hundreds of millions of dollars per year while any employee in the same company earns minimum wage. Be rich, sure, but I think maybe 5 million a year is plenty … Or maybe just not more than 100 times the salary of the lowest paid worker. Is that enough? Does anyone really need more than that?

Social security, that tax I’ve been paying since I turned 16, is hardly an ‘entitlement,’
It’s a part of most people’s responsible retirement planning. I’ve been planning on it for 30 years and I’m not too keen on losing it. Are you?

Healthcare? Well that probably should be a separate post, but it’s all one big mess now anyway.

I think the employer based system is stupid and I think ACA would have been great if it was actually affordable (which it isn’t for many).

I think it’s monstrous to leave preexisting conditions uncovered, to have lifetime caps for chronic but treatable conditions yet spend millions keeping terminal patients alive for a few more days.

And it’s cruel to charge 1000x production cost for lifesaving drugs.

I think it’s asinine that poor families have had to take kids to the ER for something that could be treated at a walk in clinic because their parents don’t have health insurance.

There’s a real chance we’re going to lose net neutrality thanks to the Orange King’s FCC appointment. Maybe you’ll finally pay attention when your cable company makes you pay extra to access ‘premium’ web content like Google and Amazon and YouTube and Netflix and Facebook and Snapchat … Or slows the connection to your web store because Amazon pays them to be fastest … or the government suppresses websites they don’t want you to see, like pornography and honest journalism.

I think public education is a mess and I think public education is critically important. I think the minimum qualifications for the person in charge of trying to fix the mess include an advanced degree in education and some classroom experience on at least one side of the desk.

I think it’s wrong to shove your dick (or a banana for that matter) in an unconscious person’s mouth. I think we need to figure out what we’re doing wrong that an alarming number of young men who are bright enough to get into colleges are somehow not bright enough to understand that unconscious does not equal yes and/or that yes doesn’t mean yes to you and everyone on your football team that you can summon via text.

I think abortions are scary and heartbreaking and none of your business unless it’s your body. I think if your goal is zero abortions, a good intermediate goal is fewer abortions.

Do you want to know a sure fire way to get to fewer abortions? Fewer unwanted pregnancies.

I also have an idea (not really mine) about how to get to a place where we have fewer unwanted pregnancies. It involves easier access to birth control and less rape.

Do you know what you’re going to get by defunding planned parenthood and criminalizing abortion? More poverty, more suicides, and more deaths from unsafe abortions. … but you think you’ve won if abortion is simply illegal.

I suspect Jesus is better at math than you.

I don’t think I could kill another human being unless it was to stop them from killing someone else. I think war sucks and we should have as many treaties and trade agreements and allies as it takes to prevent the need for 18 year old kids to die for their country.

… and still there’s probably something to be said for mutually assured destruction.

Can you imagine if the economy was so bleak that you couldn’t find any work and your kids were hungry and you were so desperate that you’d put them on a bus to go to another country-where they’re not wanted but would be fed-without you? Can you?

Do you really want to build a $25 billion dollar wall instead of trying to help our neighbor build a stable economy? What if Canada builds a wall to keep us out? What if you were starving and there were jobs and food in Canada?

I like my gay friends and I think they should be free to love whomever they please.

I don’t smoke anything, but I think you can smoke whatever you like as long as I don’t have to breathe it when I don’t want to.

I like wine … and beer. I don’t see marijuana as much different, except that it might have some medicinal benefits too.

I don’t know very much about other cultures, but I think it’s fun to share pieces of our history. It’s too bad we can’t more often laugh about the funny things and it’s too bad we have a whole new term for adopting parts of another culture and that there’s something wrong with that. Our mixed upness makes us better, not worse.

I’m guilty of prejudice. I form opinions based upon all kinds of superficial things like grooming and clothing and posture and countenance and grammar. Sometimes I find out my conclusions were were wrong.

I’ve discovered race, age and gender are poor predictors of a person’s character and I hope they don’t get included in my semi conscious judgement algorithm.

I think national parks and public lands are awesome. I want future generations to be able to experience lakes and trees and camping, hiking and wildlife.

I’ve been a churchgoer and a not churchgoer, and I don’t think either side can prove their case. I should say ANY side, since we have so many different options in the world. I do believe that only one of us can be right, but I suppose we can’t legislate belief so we’ll have to let everyone think they might be right and when we die we’ll find out, or not.

I’d say more, but this is the first day of my temporary semi-retirement and I have things to do!