Believe what you will

“Betrayal. A breach of trust. Fear. What you thought was true—counted on to be true—was not. It was just smoke and mirrors, outright deceit and lies. Sometimes it was hard to tell because there was just enough truth to make everything seem right. Even a little truth with just the right spin can cover the outrageous. Worse, there are the sincerity and care that obscure what you have lost. You can see the outlines of it now. It was exploitation. You were used. Everything in you wants to believe you weren’t.”
Patrick J. Carnes, The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

… but I think some of us might be struggling to stay grounded in reality.

First, come the promises, the descriptions of the future, professions of love and loyalty.  Next, there will be words and behaviors that don’t seem consistent with the promises.  The difference is in how we react.

I have some experience.  I thought I’d learned.  I thought I was being patient.  I thought I was showing compassion, but compassion from strength is different than compassion from weakness.  One is grounded in truth and maintains healthy boundaries.  The other is marked by a profound willingness to be deceived and exploitation.

How do we react to the ties to Russia or to the first evidence of betrayal we find?  They’ll deny the existence and discredit the source.  It’s standard.  It leaves us confused and a bit off balance.  Some would believe him, as much because they want to as any proof.  What proof could you possiby need?

*Wait, how is it my fault for finding the evidence?*

“Baby, I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Isn’t that enough?

How do we react when the evidence that didn’t exist now begins to show up and denial is no longer possible?  Will we be accused of over-reacting?  Will we accept reality or believe what we want to believe?

 

 

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